The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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