she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
