Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
