Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
