Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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