Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
