we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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