Sponge bath it is.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
