enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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