Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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