I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
