Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
is that a dick in a sweater?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
