five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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