So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
