the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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