: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
