Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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