I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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