he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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