How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
