my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
