We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
