Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
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I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
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Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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