It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
