she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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