with your own penis?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
