My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
