I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
