PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
