Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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