Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
