At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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