I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
