just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
