you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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