mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
