he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Two words: nipple clamps
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