the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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