i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
