me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
