I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
