You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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