Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
