so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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