my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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