Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
