Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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