Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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