soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
