Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
