Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
