how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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