if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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