Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
