Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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