I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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