If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
