I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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