Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
