im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
